In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize