I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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