i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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