Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
