Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
