so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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