Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
