I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
