You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
