Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
