i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
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there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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