Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
