i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
