It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
