Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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