Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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