I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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