he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So vagazzling was a success
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
