I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
