If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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