I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
