Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's the barista slut.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
