sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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