Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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