I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
