Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
