It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize