you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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