i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize