Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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