I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
