Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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