I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want to have your abortion
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
