needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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