someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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