drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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