Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
