I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
