she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i dont even know how to be here
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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