last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
