I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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