I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
