My hair reeks of homosexuality.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
