Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
