actually, I'm a sock model
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
