I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
