defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
