I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am one with the molecules
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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