I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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