Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
