I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
