my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
