there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
