i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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