I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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