I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
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There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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