Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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