1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
