My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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