I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
