somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
