My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
