it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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