i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
