i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
