i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're too hungover to prance.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
