I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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