I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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