On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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