Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
