i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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