Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is wine microwaveable?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
